To Thine Own Self Be True
by GirlAnime
Summary: When an experimental contrivance for outofcontrol powers is created will Rogue jump at the chance? Or will she find that being a human guinnea pig is not all it's cracked up to be? Comic scented. Evo based. Romy.
1. Eavesdropping Isn't Nice But

**Author's Note(s):** While I truly love Rogue's accent from Uncanny, I have to admit her Evolution accent is much more realistic as far as modernizing the series goes(as her accent in Uncanny was more southern belle-esque I feel).

Also, I'm a little rusty on my X-Men so please be a little flexible. Currently I don't know if this is set in an alternate universe or where Evolution left off (I'm leaning towards it though). For those of you willing to help a poor author out, please see the end notes:D

**-------------------**

**Pairing:** Rogue/Remy (sorry, I'm a yuppie…but a happy one!)

**Genre: **I'm thinking Romance/Angst…but not unhappy angst persay (is that even possible?)

**Rating: **This chapter? Uh, I'll bump it to PG-13 for intellectual value and word usage. Later chapters? Not so sure. I'm rating the entire fic as T though.

------------------

_**EDIT 8/14/06:** I fixed the endnotes so they were understandable. :) _

------------------

**To Thine Own Self, Be True**

---

**Chapter 1:** Eavesdropping Isn't Nice But It's Productive

---

She had been ordered to think about the consequences of this option heavily. There was a large possibility for unexpected, and undesired, results. Anything from the complete loss of her powers, which she honestly wouldn't mind too much, to physical disfigurement to change of mutation to even death if not closely monitored. It was like playing Russian Roulette with genetic compounds and chemical forces, one mysterious vial after another.

Simply amazing. If this worked it would be the first time she would be allowed to feel someone's skin, other than her own, in years—well she _knew_ what skin felt like, but generally not before her powers steadily drained the person like a hungry babe suckling at a bottle. Yet still, she knew the consequences could be dire. But were the consequences so dire that it would be better off living a life without being able to touch someone's skin? She just wasn't sure.

Walking across the mansion grounds, Rogue continued to mull over her options by thinking back to her discussion with resident doctor Henry McCoy…

… … … … …

"What _about_ the side effects?" Rogue asked with little concern in her voice. The way Dr. McCoy had approached the situation alone made her feel uneasy, but with what the pills could offer her was something too delectable not to take in with enthusiasm. Still, Dr. Henry McCoy was always a very cautious man so it was always wise to pay attention to him whenever worry was laced with his presence.

"Well, Rogue, as this is not a mass-produced and manufactured prescription there are limitations as far as research and development are concerned. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to undertake a risk such as testing it; at best it would be unprofessional of me and at worst it would be unethical." Fingering one corner of his glasses between a stalwart blue thumb and forefinger, the man known as Beast by codename yet doctor and X-Man by trade, voiced with concern his fret and worry about the endeavor the mainly russet haired woman was suggesting.

"Ah guess Ah can understand that an' all but still, Hank, Ah would be th' best person to test if it works. Think about it, if anything goes wrong Ah can always absorb Logan's healin' powers right?" Rogue's heart was so swollen with hope it almost hurt her chest as she produced each sentence she spoke. Standing only a few strides away from a magical pill that would make everything better would make anyone giddy if they were in her position she thought assuredly.

"I really wish you hadn't overheard Charles and I discussing this topic as I can only imagine the duress it will bring to you." The bulky fur-covered man allowed his arm to drape back across his chest and rest itself in the nook of his other arm, his lab coat wrinkling with the tension of moved muscle. Sighing he contemplated Rogue's offer. He was a doctor of science after-all and what better temptation than a willing assistant who would gladly undertake the risk of testing? Especially one who would have access to a walking biological med-kit. After all, wasn't it the great bard who said, "To thine own self be true"?

…And yet he knew Rogue and her distaste of her own powers. His goal was not to create the idea that mutants needed a cure, he simply sought to help those who could not control themselves yet or, at worst, those who refused to control themselves. That was the intention that lead to this discovery. _And who's to stop this creation from going down the path other good intentions have taken as well?_ Henry thought wrly.

…And yet could Rogue control herself? In all her year's at Xavier's school she had not gained an ounce of the control she craved, instead frustration filled her palate with a sour taste. Indeed it was not that Rogue did not want control of her powers, if anything she hungered for it, so it would only be natural for her to ravenously lust after anything that might aid her in her pursuit of it. However, the fine line was, did she truly hate her powers so much that she might find her psyche addicted to the contrivance he had created? The contrivance he created in a search for aid to those who wanted their powers and yet faltered in the realm of control; was there a possibility of addiction? With Rogue there was no worry of physical addiction symptoms as much as it was mental coping. Even with all the mental exercises she had learned from Charles Xavier might not be enough to stop an instinctually craved addiction.

"Uh, Hank? Earth to Hank…" Rogue bent her body downward so that her head intercepted the line of vision her fellow X-Man had started to stare into, trying to break the furry man from his trance. As the older man's eyes came back to focus upon Rogue he shook his head slightly.

"I'm sorry, my attention must have wandered." Languidly exhaling he contemplated the situation quickly, one last time. "I'll talk to Charles about it but it will be his decision Rogue. Even if he does agree I'm sure a certain amount of restriction will have to be considered, given our situation here at the school. That's all I can promise."

"Thanks Hank, Ah really appreciate it." And with an uncharacteristic smile that was how Rogue left the medical wing of Xaiver's School for the Gifted.

… … … … …

That was how Rogue had talked Dr. Henry McCoy into considering her for a human guinea pig. Normally she would never volunteer for something like this. The way she figured it in her head, she had been used enough times that she should encounter no problems in her next life if there were one. But she could not let this opportunity pass her by, not if it meant control. Control over her powers, her emotions, her life. Touch wasn't the only thing in the world but saying it out loud would be like telling a blind person that seeing isn't really all that it's trumped up to be.

There was a certain trust she placed in each of her fellow X-Men, having been a pupil for so long underneath many of them. Beast certainly had her respect in the medical field. If there were anyone she wanted treating her for anything it was him, gynecological exams excluded. Even with all her personality issues involving trust, she knew she could trust them. Being with them since her high school days had taught her that and the missions they went through helped to strengthen that bond even if she did not see eye to eye with everyone all the time.

"There's some sort of sick perversity in a world that would allow such a thing." She grumbled bitterly looking at a temporarily gloveless hand. Fidgeting with a loose thread from the hem of her skirt she sat down beneath her favorite tree on the mansion's vast campus. In a way her own bitter musings often served as filter, something akin to selective hearing, and lately the bitterness had been seeping into her thoughts more than usual. Rogue found no joy in the fact that if there were a god he, she, or it was having a good laugh at her expense.

Life had started ruthlessly enough with her adoption to a Irene Addler and Raven Darkholme. It wasn't the adoption itself that had been harsh, as Rogue could barely remember, as much as the fact of why the two women had adopted her; which she would find out later when her powers manifested themselves. Even though circumstances had brought her through all sorts of experiences with the X-Men, such as Asteroid M, Sentinels, and even Apocalypse, she still was faced with the cruelty of an uncontrollable curse.

Rogue could still remember a little of her childhood before Irene and Raven. The one clear memory she had was in kindergarten; when she punched out Toby Johnson for wrecking her castle of wooden blocks. Despite remembering the teacher being vaguely, or maybe it was incredibly, upset Rogue remembered the feel of her knuckles colliding with the side of his head. Bare skin to skin contact, she remembered that above any anger or discomfort she may have felt. Of course when you're five, it's pretty natural that you don't really remember a lot.

_Why do Ah always get th' violent memories stuck in my head?_ The lively southerner with the bright white strip of hair haloing around her face mused, shifting beneath the tree for more comfort. Rogue tilted her head downward to block out the sun a little more as she re-crossed her ankles and readjusted her linked fingers. She knew this wasn't a topic to take lightly, even if she could just zap Logan's quick healing power. Rogue knew better than anyone that this would not only change her powers, it would change her entire way of dealing with things. She would be vulnerable—no scratch that, she would be **_able_** to be vulnerable. She would have a choice.

And so, under the large oak tree on the far side of Xavier's School for the Gifted a certain young woman sat thinking about one thing.

Control.

------------------  
------------------

"_To thine own self be true," as the great bard once said._;

-- Quote from William Shakespeare's _Hamlet_.

_And who's to stop this creation from going down the path other good intentions have taken as well?_;

_-- _Based on the ever popular adage, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." If it has an author I know not of it (but am willing to be enlightened).

_ If there were anyone she wanted treating her for anything it was him, gynecological exams excluded._

-- This is a lame attempt at humor…if you don't get it or approve of it, sorry. That kind of thing will be in this fic...especially if I keep writing it at early arsed hours in the morning.

------------------

**Authors End Notes:**How am I doing here everyone? I do hope no one takes my adaptation of Rogue's past the wrong way. In this story, just for the record, I'm estimating Rogue to be about mid-late 20's, maybe early 20's at best. I'll nail down a specific age when it's needed. I just can't picture her being younger than 20 and interacting with the other characters like I want her to.

For those of you Romy fans out there who are asking where is the Remy, he's obviously not in this chapter. ;P But sadly I am a Romy fan so I don't think I can do a story (well a chaptered story) with Rogue and not have some Romy-goodness in here. But I warn you now it will probably be very little fluff and sunshine.

Beast fans or well-learned peoples, **_PLEASE_** for the love of all that's fanfiction, review or PM me with ideas for quotes. I know it's already a little cheesy here because the title of the story is the exact quote that's used in the chapter but let's just pretend that it's not overdone and cliché okay? I promise it will be well worth it later. But anyhow, I need quotes for Beast as he will probably play a major role in this story. While I read my fair share of books I'm sure that the reading repertoire of Dr. Henry McCoy would exceed my own.

So yes, please don't be shy and feel free to hit that review button. Fanfiction thrives on those like a plant does water and sunlight! ;)


	2. Send In The Committee

**Author's Note(s):** First up, thank you to my reviewers. I make no denial of being a comment whore and loving them far more than I should. :) So yes, here's another update. I never imagined I'd churn out another chapter so soon but here it is.

**To Thine Own Self, Be True**

---

**Chapter 2:** Send In The Committee

---

Sitting across from Professor Charles Xavier would normally have no effect on Rogue other than the acknowledgement of his presence. However, with the added pressure of her future fate combined with what he had just divulged made it hard _not_ to be nervously shifting the air. As Rogue's discomfort increased, her sinuses became a little more blocked causing her breathing to take on a more vicious rhythm in an attempt for air.

"While I know you've grown into one of our most reliable X-Men, I'm not quite comfortable with you undertaking this kind of a thing all on your own. You're still part of a team Rogue, and that means that others are just as responsible for your well-being as you are for theirs. I cannot allow you to undergo such an unknown, potentially harmful—"

"—But Professor!" The anxious girl began to interject, abruptly gripping the arms of the leather chair to keep her anchored in her seat. Instead of allowing her to continue the Professor held up a hand, palm towards her, to quiet her outburst.

Charles Xavier put the exterior of an experienced poker player to shame in the fact that he was virtually unreadable. In all the years after the manifestation of her powers she had begun to notice body language; how to read it and how to use it to her advantage. But the professor had always projected an exterior of calmness, Rogue could not remember it another way. This behavior was definitely a large factor to consider in the few situations the Professor did become anxious or uncomfortable. Obediently Rogue closed her mouth and allowed the older man and founder of the school across from her to finish his speech that would no doubt crush her every hope.

"As I was saying, I cannot allow you to proceed with such an undertaking, _without _some kind of support group." A few milliseconds passed between the sentence and the liveliness of Rogue's green eyes as she registered what this meant.

"Ya mean it Professor!" Rogue's stomach was turning flips inside her abdomen as she heard this news. Readjusting her grip on the arms of the chair, her muscles felt alive with adrenaline. Any of the sinus problems she had earlier instantly cleared up as she felt the surge of excitement cascading out of her. The crisp smell of the office only served to further her excitement as she patiently awaited for confirmation form the man across the desk from her.

Giving a nod, the good professor continued his debriefing. As much as he wanted for Rogue's happiness, like any of her fellow X-Men, he wasn't sure she was going to like the terms and conditions under which she would be allowed to do this experiment—if you wanted to call it that.

---

There were dangers, she knew that. Professor Xavier had told her about the unpredictability of the drug. He had also told how she would have to surrender certain rights to undergo any such treatment. Certain freedoms would have to be relinquished from her; freedoms such as the immunity from the professor's telepathy if he felt any distress from Rogue. There would also be daily to weekly check-ups until they could figure out what effects the drug would have on Rogue as well as some other invasions of privacy she would normally never stand for.

Logan, Ororo, and Dr. McCoy had been called into the office a brief moment after the Professor had finished disclosing all the new procedures to Rogue. Each of them had been involved in lengthy discussion the night before about Rogue's ability to handle such an unknown project.

Logan, admittedly, had mixed feelings about it just like the other three schoolmasters but his negative side won out. Even with Rogue being more mature now than she was in her impulsive teens, he didn't like anything medicinal. Then again he _was_ a walking tank with an auto-recovery skill to beat the band and Stripes was definitely deserving of a chance at happiness. However, something instinctively told him that any synthetic way of altering, controlling or enhancing one's powers was extremely bad news. The short man had contemplated his own skeleton interwoven now with adamantium and what little he could remember of his own choice. He knew the medication was as simple as taking a pill and yet he was unsure if it would end up being traumatic later on. Being coined with the name Wolverine, he had a certain affinity for danger and impulsivity but it didn't mean he couldn't understand the feeling of regret.

Ororo had been altogether accepting of the idea, in her calm and placid way. Much like a body of water, she often exuded a more peaceful exterior while currents under the surface were working unseen to the unwatchful eye. The goddess-like African woman was the longest standing mother figure for all the wards at Xavier's and she had no qualms about the procedure. She knew quite well the danger of the situation but also knew Rogue, not only as a student but as a responsible companion and X-Man. She had faith in both Rogue and Henry's abilities.

Dr. McCoy was, as always, cautious but hopeful. He was a little torn behind his reasoning, but otherwise he was mostly optimistic. The only thing unsure to him was if he was truly excited for Rogue, if the medication were to work, or if he were excited for himself. Like any good doctor or scientist, he was excited about his research being tested. The implications of what could be done, if it worked were blindingly bright. Of course the other part of Henry McCoy slowly set to work as well.

It wasn't often the large blue man worried about his own endeavors with such a vicious fervor. Then again, it also wasn't very often that his work could be used against him in a malicious way. If this worked, who was to say the government wouldn't confiscate the research? Then before you know it there would be something similar to the mutant registration laws to keep the mutant population under control.

_To cure them._ The dignified man thought heatedly. Henry McCoy detested few things save the idea that natural biological traits should be considered as flaws or hindrances to one's own development. This being a possibility, he had debated with himself for a very long time about allowing Rogue to do this.

Professor Charles Xavier held the web-like lines of resolve together between them. All agreed that Rogue deserved control and even though there might be a possibility for her to learn control of her powers on her own, the chance was infinitesimally small; as Hank had pointed out by way of charts and research into how the human body works and develops.

Rogue was a bit uneasy about all the restrictions she would be placed under and the rights that would be stripped, but she couldn't really feel that uneasiness when she thought about what freedoms she would gain if the medication worked.

The last restriction was the limited information of who would be allowed to know Rogue was on this medication. Obviously Jean and Scott were high on the list of candidates. Rogue had wanted Kurt and even Kitty on the list of X-Men allowed to know but the professor had stressed the importance of secrecy until Rogue's initial reaction to the medication. Naturally the younger kids at the institute were to know nothing of this talk and experimentation. Rogue would be asked to dress as per regular until they could be sure that the medication either worked or until they were sure no blatantly dangerous side effects would present themselves.

---

It was in this situation that Rogue found herself sitting in the med-lab early one morning helping Dr. McCoy hook small monitoring electrodes up to her body. She was to wear the bio-monitors for the entire day so that Hank could keep an eye on her vitals if anything were to go wrong. Rogue was to keep her schedule to it's usual parameters and keep herself covered up as per usual. Cautioning her that the medication could take days to get into her system when taken properly, Hank finished adjusting the battery in the monitoring pack that lay strapped to Rogue's back.

"If anyone," Hank began, "Should inquire about your new electrical equipment just tell them I'm running some new diagnostics on your bio-chemical structure to see how the genetic structure of your DNA may change for the purposes of—"

Rogue held up her hands in a gesture of assurance.

"Ah get it Hank, don't tell anyone anythin' out of the ordinary right? Ah'll just say it's none of their business anyway." Rogue was never a morning person and waking up extra early for a 'Danger Room Session,' as she had told Kitty, that mysteriously took place in the medical wing of the Xavier school without breakfast was taking it's toll. "Hell, Ah'll tell them I'm pregnant, just let me go an' get some food. _Please_."

Slightly chuckling to himself at Rogue's odd sense of humor, Dr. McCoy handed his newest patient a small yellowed bottle mostly filled with rather bulky white tablets in it.

"Ingest one of these every morning with food." Turning back to his clipboard, he focused his eyes upon a small checklist pinned on it. "Let me know when you're running low on those pills so I can make some more for you. Also, if you notice any change in your normal behavior, be it bowel movements to mood swings, you need to report to me or one of the others immediately."

Silently dismissing her with a nod, Dr. McCoy stood there in the lab hoping for the best as the hungry X-Man left to find food.

-------------

**End Notes:** After reading the first chapter I noted that some errors that inevitably show up when writing things at 2 or later in the morning. One of these things would be that my foot notes were a bit weird and out of place. That's because my asterisks were erased by ff(dot)net. I don't know what they have against asterisks and the little symbol over the 6 on American keyboards (which is apparently _NOT_ called a karat like I thought), but ff(dot)net is damned certain they will not appear in any document! No sir! Not for this place!...pah.

Sadly there's no Remy in this chapter either. I was certain I'd get him in there but, geh, it's so hard to pace a story sometimes. I just didn't feel it would be okay to put him in here yet. I'm also afraid that this story may end up being too heavy and introspective for reader tastes. If any of you are noticing this sort of a trend, please feel free to let me know. I like deep and rich stuff but I understand sometimes that it might be too much. (I'm still working on my finesse.)

I love comments. I thrive on them. Please feel free to tell me what you like or don't like about this story. Critiques are muchly appreciated but so are ego strokes. ;)


End file.
